Wellspring Living

For more blogs by the lovely Tran visit her page at:tranibanani.wordpress.com

This is actually the most difficult part of blogging. It’s writing about your day and how you’re feeling when it’s late in the night, you’ve been on your feet the entire day, you miss your friends and family back home, and you just want to sleep. But I’m going to regret it if I stop now.

A lot has happened during the past five days or so since I’ve last blogged, so I will be updating with several posts. This post is mostly about our time at Wellspring, which is a retreat in the woods in Maryland, a little outside of DC.

I arrived in DC at 7AM Sunday morning, and had to wait until 4PM for the start of the program. I hadn’t slept at all on the train. So it was a really tiring day to start with. On top of that, I met and got to know thirty other people. We did a bunch of icebreakers the first night, but obviously not a lot of it stuck with me. (However, I will admit that speed dating can actually be a really good way to meet someone.) We stayed in cabins at Wellspring. It’s 200 acres of woods, lakes, ponds, general campsite/retreat aesthetic. I don’t really do well in this kind of setting, but it was nice to get a change in scenery.

Most days at Wellspring consisted of orientation and going over guidelines, policies, and syllabi. We had a couple of our first lectures.Throughout these days, there were a lot of ups and downs. I want to say it was a smooth ride and things were great and I’ve made tons of friends. But it’s never like that. Up: I did manage to make friends in the end! Hi Mom, yeah, I’m around people I can call friends now. During the retreat, we did a lot of community building activities, which were really cheesy, but it did help in getting to know each other better and creating a space of comfort and familiarity. Eating meals with people really helped with this as well. Down: I was still lonely, and I was also angsty because I didn’t take time for myself to be alone. You know how people say you can still be lonely even when you’re not alone? That’s how I felt, especially during the beginning. I felt too tired to make small talk with these strange people, and I just wanted to lie on Stacy (the couch back in our dorm room), and laugh at my suite mates. Up: We watched a documentary called Remote Area Medical (RAM), which is about a pop-up clinic that provides free medical/dental/vision care to populations that wouldn’t otherwise be able to have access to or afford care. The documentary took place in a rural area called Bristol, Kentucky, and it revealed profound misconceptions that are assumed about the people who are served by RAM. My favorite part was the discussion we had right after the movie, which was as comprehensive as it was engaging. It felt like a discussion section for a really good class, which is really nice after taking so many stem classes.One of the first and most important lessons we’ve learned so far is to contextualize everything. Everyone makes rational decisions in the context they’re in. Everyone. This seems like a very obvious concept, but it’s not, because we judge people for making dumb decisions, and we get frustrated at people for making decisions that lead to bad consequences. But once you look at the situations people are in, you’ll realize the rationality behind their decisions. One straightforward example given to us in a TedTalk is drug users and the spread of HIV in Indonesia. When interviewed, drug users revealed that they know using a clean needle rather than a shared needle will reduce the spread of HIV. Additionally, clean needles are pretty cheap, so cost isn’t really an issue. So why don’t drug users use clean needles every time? It’s because the government arrests anyone found with a needle, and sharing a handful of needles reduces the risk of any individual being caught with a needle. The drug users would rather share a needle amongst themselves than get arrested with a clean needle and go to prison where they’ll like get HIV anyway. So the cause behind the spread of HIV in drug users can be heavily affected by government policy, a connection that you wouldn’t make immediately. The issue of contextualizing is something I have to continue to grapple with and learn from. Down: Most people in this group exercise. A lot. Like, it blows my mind. There are a number of people who wake up at 6 or 7 in the morning everyday to run. I tried running with a group in the afternoon. I made it half a mile, and then almost died. I think it was due to the elevation of Wellspring (~600 ft above sea level, according to snapchat.) I’m also just really out of shape. I had trouble breathing and could barely walk back to the cabin, so that experience took a lot out of me physically. But nevertheless, I’m really excited to be part of this exercise group, because I know it’ll force me to be healthier, both in diet and exercise. Down: This is something that is a little bit difficult for me to admit, both to myself and to anyone else. But there were several moments at Wellspring where I felt like it was really difficult to be a woman of color, particularly one from a low-income background. Most of the people in this program are white women, although I do not know of the socioeconomic status of anyone. That being said, it’s still very much an adjustment for me, especially coming from the suite of girls that I have lived with for a year and a half, and coming from my family. I definitely feel more on guard and more careful about the things I say and the things I talk about. In certain instances, there were conversations that I felt completely left out of it, because I couldn’t relate to the experiences discussed when a bunch of other girls could. It’s not a problem with any of the other girls, because I understand, even now, that each individual on this program is open to learning and growth. I do think though, that there are a lot of unexpected barriers that I have to get over, and I have to give myself the grace to do that.I realized the other day that I don’t have to be really close friends with the people on this program. Which might seem like an awful thing to say. Don’t get me wrong. I know I’ll be decent friends with everyone here. But I think I carry this expectation of myself everywhere I go — that I have to somehow make a deep connection with everyone I meet, and I have to be really good friends with everyone. But in an instant, I remembered that I have really good friends at home, at Yale, and I have my family. As cheesy as it sounds, I already have people whom I can talk to about anything, people whom I can call from across the country, and they will just listen to me rant or cry or laugh. They will always be there. So it’s ok, if I don’t make really good friends or if I don’t get along with everyone. I need to ease the pressure off myself, and just let things happen. Let friendships form organically. And let people surprise you.

#DC